The honesty of hypocrisy

(versión en Español, abajo)

Human relationships are the most exciting and fulfilling aspect of our existence. Also, they can be the most painful and frustrating part of it. With regards to them, one of the unarguable values that society tells us to have is honesty. However, the more I think about honesty, the less honest it becomes.

Sometimes, as an experiment, when I am in a group of people and someone starts talking about a slightly controversial topic, like politics or religion, I tend to say things just to observe their reactions. If what I say supports the main speaker’s point of view, usually the others do too. If I say something that makes them think that I feel completely the opposite, the others, including the main speaker, tend to back off and change his/her point of view. You could say that people are just trying to be polite, or maybe they don’t really have a strong point of view. But, I think the main reason is people don’t like confrontation (notice that ‘being polite’ implies a completely different intention). In general, people try to avoid confronting anyone even if that means not being honest about what they think or believe.

Some may say that this is being hypocritical, and by definition, they are right. Hypocrisy is the practice of claiming to have moral standards or beliefs to which one’s own behavior does not conform. However, people avoid disagreeing because they also believe that it is likely to cause discomfort and will deny everybody of having a peaceful time. Therefore, here is a dichotomy that exists within us. We can be honest while lying. We lie being honest.

If we put on one side of a balance the option: Let the others know what I really think, and how I would really behave if nobody would get affected, but I know they would; and on the other side, the other option: Nobody really needs to know about what I think, or what I do, and I can get on with everybody at least here and for now… Well, I think the benefits of the second option will weigh a lot more.

So, with this in mind, I’d like to redeem the word hypocrisy. It is something needed, and something that can bring more benefits than its antonym. Next time someone calls you a hypocrite, don’t take it as an offence, take it as a complement. It was for everybody’s sake.

La honestidad de la hipocresía (Versión en Español)

Las relaciones humanas son el aspecto más emocionante y gratificante de nuestra existencia. Pero también, pueden ser la parte más dolorosa y frustrante de la misma. Cuando se habla de ellas, uno de los valores indiscutibles que la sociedad espera que tengamos, es el ser honestos. Sin embargo, cuanto más pienso acerca de la honestidad, más deshonesta se vuelve.

Como experimento, cuando estoy en un grupo de personas y alguien empieza a hablar de un tema un poco controversial, como la política o la religión, tiendo a decir cosas sólo para observar las reacciones. Si lo que digo es compatible con el punto de vista de quien lo dijo; por lo general, los demás también lo hacen. Si digo algo que expresa totalmente lo contrario, los demás, incluido quien lo dijo, tiende a retroceder y cambiar su punto de vista. Se podría decir que las personas están tratando de ser respetuosos, o tal vez que en realidad no tienen un punto de vista definido. Pero creo que la razón principal es que a la gente no les gusta la confrontación (nótese que ser “respetuoso” implica una intención completamente diferente). En general, la gente trata de evitar el confrontarse con alguien, incluso si eso significa no ser honesto acerca de lo que piensan o creen.

Algunos pueden decir que esto es ser hipócrita, y por definición, tienen razón. La hipocresía es la práctica de decir que se tiene cierta moral o creencia a las que su propio comportamiento no se ajusta. Sin embargo, lo hacen porque ellos también creen que el estar en desacuerdo probablemente causará malestar y negará a todos la posibilidad de relacionarse en paz. Por lo tanto, existe una dicotomía dentro de nosotros. Somos honestos mientras mentimos. Mentimos siendo honestos.

Si ponemos en un lado de la balanza la opción: Dejemos que los demás sepan lo que realmente pienso y cómo me comportaría si a nadie le afectara, pero sé que afectaría; y en el otro lado, la otra opción: Nadie realmente necesita saber acerca de lo que pienso, o lo que hago, y puedo llevarme con todos, al menos aquí y por ahora … Bueno, creo que los beneficios de la segunda opción pesarán mucho más.

Así que, con estás ideas ojalá pueda redimir la palabra hipocresía. Es algo necesario, y algo que puede traer más beneficios que su antónimo. La próxima vez que alguien te llame hipócrita, no lo tomes como una ofensa, tómalo como un complemento. Fue por el bien de todos.

33

(versión en Español al final)

I was born on the 5th of April, 1982 at 19:30ish. Another important historical event that happened that day was that the British fleet sailed to Falkland Islands. So, I’m starting to write these words just after my first day as a 33 year old. For the West, yesterday was Easter Sunday, the day when Jesus resurrected. Obviously, everybody, who knew about my birthday, highlighted this fact. The more they mentioned it, the less funny I found it; and particularly, when it was the 33rd birthday! Christ’s age when he died.

However, I took the opportunity to celebrate it seriously. First, the celebration started on Thursday night with a new set of friends from Argentina that I’ve just met. Meeting new fantastic people is always so refreshing. On Easter Friday, I went away with my family to a lovely country side spa out where we spent the night. For the first time in my life, I ate crunchy fried cuy (guinea pig). Then, on Saturday night, for the very first time too, on a birthday, I threw the party in my own flat and invited my 12 closest people (representing the 12 disciples). We had amazing music, dance, food, booze and, although I don’t remember part of it, I think it was a great time. On Sunday, I felt resurrected indeed!

Thinking back on it, I feel extremely lucky that I am living the life I live. I love people who love me back. Although, I do believe that love doesn’t really exist, but the acts of love do, but that’s a topic for another entry. So, let’s say, I appreciate people who appreciate me back. Some show it more than others, and some in ways that I don’t really understand, but I know they do, and even if they don’t, at least they act it very well (which is already a way of appreciation – and also a topic for another entry).

But my feeling of resurrection goes beyond the weekend. I really want this year to be more meaningful and that implies many things. It implies more achievements and more mistakes, more forgiveness and more mess-ups, more understandings and probably more frustrations. It implies more of everything… because I think that’s what life is, the constant search for something more. The moment when someone believes they have found everything, they have actually lost everything, because they have lost the essence of existence: the search.

Finally, talking about life, I would like to end this entry with the wise words from one of my new Argentinian friends: “Being single, being young, and having money, never meet up at the same time, get over it” Love it!

EN ESPAÑOL:

Nací el 5 de abril de 1982 alrededor de las 19:30. Otro acontecimiento histórico importante que sucedió ese día fue que la flota británica partió hacia las Islas Malvinas. Entonces…, empiezo a escribir estas palabras justo después de mi primer día con 33 años de edad. Para Occidente, ayer fue Domingo de Pascua, el día en que Jesús resucitó. Obviamente, todo el mundo que sabía de mi cumpleaños, destacó este hecho. Cuanto más lo mecionaban, menos gracioso me parecía; y en particular, ya que era el cumpleaños 33, la edad de Cristo cuando murió.

Sin embargo, tomé la oportunidad para celebrar en serio. La celebración comenzó el jueves por la noche con un nuevo grupo de amigos de Argentina que acabo de conocer. Conocer gente nueva y encantadora me parece tan refrescante. El Vernes Santo, me fui con mi familia a un hermoso spa fuera de la ciudad donde pasamos la noche. Por primera vez en mi vida comí cuy brosterizado. Riquísimo! Luego, el sábado por la noche, por primera vez también en un cumpleaños, organicé una fiesta en mi depa donde invité a las 12 personas más cercanos (en representación de los 12 discípulos). Tuvimos música increíble, comida deliciosa, bailamos, bebimos y, aunque no recuerdo parte de ella, sé que la pasamos bien. El Domingo, me sentí resucitado de verdad!

Pensando en ello, me siento muy afortunado de vivir la vida que vivo. Tengo personas a las que amo, y que siento que me aman de vuelta. Aunque en realidad, creo que el amor no existe, solo los actos de amor; sin embargo, ese es un tema para otro blog. Así que, digamos, tengo personas a las que aprecio mucho y que siento que me aprecian también. Algunos lo demuestran más que otros, y algunos de una manera que realmente no la entiendo, pero sé que lo hacen, e incluso, si no lo hacen, al menos lo actúan muy bien (y eso es una forma de apreciación – y también un tema para otra entrada).

Pero mi sentido de resurrección va más allá del fin de semana. Tengo muchas ganas de que este año sea más significativo y eso implica muchas cosas. Implica más logros y más errores, más perdón y más metederas de pata, más comprensión y probablemente más frustración. Implica más de todo… porque creo que eso es la vida misma, la búsqueda constante de algo más. El momento en que hay alguien cree haber encontrado todo, en realidad lo ha perdido todo, porque han perdido la esencia de existir: la búsqueda.

Por último, hablando de la vida, me gustaría terminar esta entrada con las sabias palabras de uno de mis nuevos amigos argentinos: “La soltería, la juventud y el tener dinero, jamás se encuentran en el mismo punto, supérenlo”… Me encanta!

Writer’s Block – A crisis of expectations

I’m suffering a virtually endless Writer’s Block… I’ve been absent for a while, and I could try explaining the mix of personal reasons, lack of discipline, forgetting to do it… but at the end, it comes to this: a crisis of expectations.

The reason why I usually express publicly, it is because I feel I have something to say and I try my best to say it in a very interesting, attractive, entretaining way. I want to think that others are interested in it. And that feels good. But, many times, I have written something, read it, and think: “This is rubbish” “Who cares about this?”… and then I press the ‘Trash’ bottom, rather than the “Publish” one, close the laptop and forget about it. It’s not that I have nothing to say, but what I am saying, it feels like nothing. It’s a crisis of expectations. I don’t want to look like a fool who says nothing interesting.

However, this is not healthy. It’s a self-imposed judgement. As a songwriter, I always try to have something to say and make it relevant for someone. Nevertheless, lately, I’ve learned than even the most uninteresting and irrelevant things can be or become interesting or relevant to someone. There is no reason why we shouldn’t be allowed to say whatever we think, even if we feel it is innapropiate or irrelevant to us. Even if we look like fools.

So, I am making a stand. I will write, whatever I feel, think or want to talk about. Without judging myself and hoping that my uncensorship can bring inspiration to someone, and if it doesn’t, what can I do? Keep writing until it does!

Communication is what takes the world forward. Thanks to those who keep writing even through their dry spells!

A decade in the UK

5th of September, 2003. 2 suitcases full of dreams, 2 more full of fears, my red guitar and Daniel, my younger brother, listening to his new CD, Meteora by Linkin Park. We departed from Quito airport and after transiting through Madrid, we landed in London one day later. The immigration officer showed us where to go for a medical screening. Back then I thought: ‘how kind they are, they are checking my lungs to see if I’m ok’. A few months later, I realised they were screening my chest to confirm I wasn’t a drug mule. Nice. I had to fill in a form where I was asked my weight in stones and my height in feet. I remember thinking: well, it depends on the size of the stones and the size of the foot. Or as my brother said: ‘what the foot?!’

The first British person I met was the driver who picked us up from the airport and was driving us to our English School in Swanage, Dorset in a van. There were 4 of us. Luis, from Ecuador too, and Mohammed, from Saudi Arabia. He became my first international friend. The driver was in his late 60s and didn’t talk to us for the whole 3 hour drive. He looked grumpy. I remember asking him something about the place we were going to and until now, I have no idea what his answer was. That was my first day in the UK. Today, 10 years later, is my last one. Although, I’ve been a bit of a nomad during the last 3 years, London has always been my base. From tomorrow, my base will be Quito, Ecuador.

During the last decade many many things have happened. The original goals for which we came were achieved and surpassed. Many of them evolved into something else. The first years were the most challenging. The early middle years were the most rewarding. The late middle ones were the most fun. The last one was the most intriguing.

A friend told me recently: ‘so… why are you leaving your life in London?’. That question made me realise how tricky words can be. The truth is I’m not leaving my life in London! I’m taking it with me! No doubt, London is one of the best cities in the world, its multiculturalism is inspiring, its night life and artistic-scene is admirable, its virtually endless offer of entertainment, food, shopping, fashion is addictive; its job possibilities are arguably attractive, its architecture, river, landmarks, museums,  are beautiful and so on… but also, its dark side is easy to spot and I better not get into that right now.

However, the ‘best’ is a very subjective and changeable judgement. Certainly, I’ll miss London but the best is not always enough. I’m starting a new chapter and I’ll carry on living with the same intensity, passion and hope that this city has taught me. I’m starting a new chapter back in what once was my home and close to my family. I’m extremely happy for all the experiences that the UK has given to me, well maybe, not all of them…but extremely happy about having made all the friendships, all the memories, all the smiles and the tears. Many thanks to all of you, and hope to see you on the other side of the pond!